Create a Better Marriage with 7 Questions

A better marriage requires you and your spouse to grow together.

After close to two-decades together, I can honestly say that we have a better marriage now, than during the honeymoon period. Whereas, in many of my friend’s relationships, they’ve grown apart. There are obviously a lot of reasons people grow apart, but to have a better marriage you need to stay connected outside of daily schedules, duties with the kids and the stresses of life.

Our #1 Strategy for a Better Marriage

Over the last 18 years, once, maybe twice a week, over coffee or on a walk, we have asked each other 7 questions. These questions were created by Tony Robbins as a daily self-assessment and gratitude practice. But for us, when we use them together, the result is a deeper, lasting and better marriage.

Sometimes, when life is going great, these questions act as a way to validate our gratitude and keep our vibration high. And when life feels stressful, overwhelming or we’re being challenged, these questions help us communicate, raise awareness of our individual stresses and ultimately create conversation in a safe way. In both instances, after completing the questions, we feel more connected and heard which leads to a better marriage.

The 7 Questions for a Better Marriage

First, you’ll notice that the questions follow a frame work. And when you initially read them, you may shrug them off as similar to each other. I challenge you to find the true meaning of the highlighted word and really focus on how it’s a different emotion than the others. That’s where the work is, and that’s exactly how you will improve your communication, raise your vibration and yes, create a better marriage.

1. What am I most happy about in my life now?What about that makes me happy? How does that make me feel?
2. What am I most excited about in my life now?What about that makes me excited? How does that make me feel?
3. What am I most proud about in my life now?What about that makes me proud? How does that make me feel?
4. What am I most grateful about in my life now?What about that makes me grateful? How does that make me feel?
5. What am I enjoying most in my life right now?What about that do I enjoy? How does that make me feel?
6. What am I committed to in my life right now?What about that makes me committed? How does that make me feel?
7. Who do I love? Who loves me? What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?

Example of how we complete the 7 Questions

I want to share how I would answer these questions today. See what you learn about me that you didn’t know.

1. What am I most happy about in my life now?What about that makes me happy? How does that make me feel?
   • I am most happy that my daughter is finding her passions in our new city.
   • It makes me happy because I love to see her little mind expanding.
   • It makes me feel like we made a great decision moving to Italy.
2. What am I most excited about in my life now?What about that makes me excited? How does that make me feel?
   • I am most excited about our upcoming trip to Disney Paris.
   • It makes me excited because Sofia’s the perfect age to enjoy it.
   • It makes me feel like a kids again, carefree.
3. What am I most proud about in my life now?What about that makes me proud? How does that make me feel?
   • I am most proud of my learning and practice of Italian.
   • It makes me proud because it’s hard, but I’m finally able to recall words and use sentence structure.
   • It makes me feel like I’m able to connect deeper in our community when I speak Italian.
4. What am I most grateful about in my life now?What about that makes me grateful? How does that make me feel?
   • I’m the most grateful for our terrace.
   • It makes me grateful because we it gives us an inspiring place to work and a beautiful backdrop for sunset dinners.
   • It makes me feel alive when I see the views of the Duomo and surrounding Tuscan hills.
5. What am I enjoying most in my life right now?What about that do I enjoy? How does that make me feel?
   • I’m enjoying trying new Italian recipes.
   • It brings me so much joy when my family tries a new meal and loves it.
   • It makes me feel like a great wife and mother.
6. What am I committed to in my life right now?What about that makes me committed? How does that make me feel?
   • I’m committed to bringing valuable, useful content to our FriDate listeners (and now readers of the blog).
   • It makes me committed because I’m passionate about the things that have helped our family unlock the keys to true fulfillment.
7. Who do I love? Who loves me? What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?
   • My husband, daughters, gia my dog, my friends.
   • They all love me back.
   • I love how they all play a role in my life and my happiness.
   • It makes me feel appreciated and loved.

Now, imagine doing this consistently with you spouse. The answers change day-to-day. Imagine how learning about your spouse will lead to a better marriage.