It is easy to get bogged down in your own unhappiness and try to direct it onto someone else in your life, particularly a partner. Rob and Kim discuss John Gottman’s research on marriage, regarding this behavior and how it tends to create tension and ultimately can take the form of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
We need to be aware of these pitfalls and work on overcoming them within ourselves. After all, we cannot change anybody else but all of us have control over ourselves. Instead of expending energy on tinkering with fixing our spouse, think about developing self-awareness and making improvements from within that can ultimately benefit both yourself and any close connections we have with others.
Find the two books referenced on our amazon favorites:
John M Gottman – The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work
James Sexton – If You’re in My Office, It’s Already Too Late
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