Stop asking your kids “How was your day?” Do this instead.
As parents, our connecting with our kids is a priority. Especially as they enter the tween/teen years, that bond and open communication is even more important. But, it’s not always easy.
They say the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” I found that asking my kid “How was your day?” drops squarely inside that category.
I get it; the question seems fair and should have a simple reply. The operative word here is “should.”
Most parents know that the answer unfailingly to that question is, “Fine” or worse, “I don’t know.” followed by, “Can I go play on my (insert electronic game) now?”.
After many fallen attempts at this question, I decided to revise my strategy.
The Power of Purposeful Questions
As parents, we have a natural desire to stay connected with our children and understand what is happening in their lives. And, the classic question of “How was your day at school?” may not always be the best way to start a conversation.
Conversely, when you ask purposeful questions that trigger your child’s imagination, creativity or sense of humor, you engage them in a whole new way. You show them that you can be silly, fun and are interested in what THEY are interested in (beyond school and academics).
In our family, we have found that when we consistently connect to our child by asking questions tailored to her interests, it shows her we are interested in her, as a person, and not just academics. This results in a deeper bond, and ultimately, she tends to open-up on her own about school without being prompted.
Our Solution
As with most situations, there is a time and place. I realized that when she gets home from school, she is worn out and needs some downtime, so that isn’t the right time.
So, I decided to ask her my new silly questions during dinner (although any other time could work as long as it isn’t the moment she walks in the door).
I recognized that what my eight-year-old was interested in was her friend. So, one day at dinner, I asked her, “Which of your friends do you think could fart the loudest?” She did a triple take, couldn’t hold in her laughter, and said, “definitely, Samatha.”
I knew I was on to something. I followed that question with, “Which kid in your class could win the “Roblox World Competition”? She said, “Mike.”
Now, the moment we sit down to eat, I ask five different questions. I call it the “The 5 Question Game”. At first, she resisted, but after a few rounds, she started to look forward to it. Now, she loves it, and wants me to ask BONUS questions!
The 5 Questions Game
The 5 Question Game will transform your relationship with your child, spark creativity, boost self-esteem and encourage open communication.
The science is real. When you ask purposeful questions that trigger your child’s imagination, creativity or sense of humor, you engage them in a whole new way. You show them that you can be silly, fun and are interested in what THEY are interested in, beyond school and academics.
The proven benefits of our purposeful questions:
- Better connection with your child
- Encourages open communication
- Increased self-esteem
- Increased creativity
- Increase sense of belonging and being valued
- Promotes positive social skills
- Provides insight into their personal interests
- Provides insight into their thinking process
- Encourages critical thinking skills
The 110 carefully crafted questions, purposefully curated, in multiple areas of interest, are perfect to ask your child instead of “How was your day?” and to spark conversation on car rides, during dinner or during your bedtime routine.
You’ll find 110 questions to ask your child in the following areas:
- Personal Questions
- Silly Questions
- School Related Questions
- Friends Related Questions
- Family Related Questions
- Hobby/Toy Related Questions
- TV/Book Related Questions
- Animal Related Questions
- Imagination Related Questions
